December 2010
27 posts
November 2010
27 posts
Love the Way You Lie Part II.
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my ex-fiance
boys suck…emphasis on the boys part. i need me a man :)
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3 tags
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Oct. 12th, 2010
Is it possible to hop a plane and just flee to Paris, France? I need to get away from here, far away. I hate this place. I feel caged, like a bird. What happened to my freedom? If only I could just leave this place, if only I could be a normal human being again.
I want a man that I can feel safe with. I realize I’ve lost sense of my morals. A man that will respect me. I want it so bad...
5 tags
Cross your heart and hope to die?
Trapped in a cage, So young and confused. Her captor took her heart for ransom. One day he let her go, To be free once again. For several months she couldn’t figure out what it is that she was missing. Everyday she felt a pain in her chest and was reminded of her misfortune. The harder she tried to ignore it, the worse it became, Until one day she came running back to her master. She sat...
6 tags
Watchmy job:
damage control (plural damage controls)
A department or group, as aboard a naval vessel, responsible for taking action to control damage caused by fire, collision, etc.
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9.28.10
The mind is a beautiful mystery. I think part of me is getting better and the other part is just getting worse. My anxiety has gotten way worse. I barely slept last night, I saw him again. I mean I didn’t actually see him but, a shadowed figure with his shirt and shoes on. I feel like things are getting worse with my friends. I shouldn’t have slept with Eric.
I realized nothing can...
3 tags
Sep. 24th, 2010
When will it end? When will I finally be able to be happy? I hate myself and who I’ve become. I hate the way I look and how I talk. I hate how everything I say sounds stupid and that I never make sense.
Sep. 19th, 2010
I’m still in pain. I wonder what’s wrong? Hopefully it goes away soon. I’m sad today. I feel flawed, defective. If only I was skinnier or stronger.
Sep. 18th, 2010
I awoke this morning with the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. Not only did my stomach hurt but my lower abdomen area as well. I’ve never bled so much on my period in my life. Everytime I pee the water is filled with a pool of blood. But the hospital said I was okay til Monday. I hate this feeling, I hate feeling shitty.
I have a confession, I miss having a man in...
1 tag
dear jason,
Please forgive me for the way I’ve behaved. I wish I could take back the way you saw me because that’s not who I am. I let something that happened to me define me, I was weak. I never realized how fresh your situation was, and not knowing I clung to you for safety. You made me feel safe. I miss you, and realize that by clinging to you, in the end, only chased you away. I’m sorry...
3 tags
8.11.10
My head is killing me. It’s like a never-ending headache caused by fear. I feel like in a lot of ways I did all of this to myself. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t stronger, if only, if only. I wish I could be stuck in a never-ending dream with (insertprincecharminghere). I’m so mad that I ruined it with Jason but, in a lot ways I’m gald it happened even if it was...
2 tags
8.10.10
(In the weeks passed, I’d been dismissed from my ship, in the hospital for a week, and had just been released.)
Another day here. I’m becoming stronger which makes me happy. No more medication well at least no zoloft or ambien. Just me and my writing. I still don’t like sleeping, the only reason I do is because I’m so weak right now. My mind keeps wanting to focus on...
7 tags
Misery
“I need someone to pinch me, to wake me up from this never-ending nightmare, where I’m drowning below the surface and no matter how hard I try to swim I can’t because something’s holding me down. The more I struggle, the worse it becomes, Until I finally just give up, even still it repeats itself… I wake up, gasping for air, and yet I still can’t breathe. I realize even while I’m awake I’m...
Love the Way You Lie Part II.
5 tags
7.11.10
We came back from sea early due to one of our engines breaking down. The moment we pulled in and got off work everyone left to go party and drink but I had to stay here and still work because I was on duty. I could see San Diego but I couldn’t touch it or enjoy all it had to offer. I’ve become depressed. I have nobody to talk to or vent to. I’ve realized that I honestly don’t have a best...
7 tags
7.5.10
A year ago when I shook my principal’s hand to accept my diploma I had envisioned a life filled with happiness and independence. I think that’s what most graduates dream for themselves. Never had I expected my life to turn out the way it has. Granted I’ve experienced things that not many can claim to of. I’m a sailor in the United States Navy. No one thought that I’d graduate high school let...
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